2 missing balls

May be you wonder how we are doing? Well, don't!

What can happen in one week? Let's see:

Only one week ago John escaped from a severe accident when victim of the complete brake failure in the 1991 camper (called Lassie or Christoffel) which had just returned from the annual testing and was proven to be still perfectly safe (thought it does not look like that, agree).
Lassie back to mechanic who told us what has happened and of course repaired the brakes.
Treat her (well, it's a him but who cares) like an old lady and don't leave her that long without driving, your old lady needs conitnuous practice or else the brakes will rust again. OK OK OK, but I don't trust a car with repaired brakes and besides, Lassie is a bit small, especially the 115*180 bed when we have to drive her for 2 months in too hot countries. So IF we can find something else to replace her, it would not be a bad idea though we just had bought her 2 new batteries and of course let everything fixed and believe me that our mechanics must have golden hands if you see their bills!
So I started looking at very nice 2001 campers, which have very nice prices :-( but OK, since the money we reserved for Lauenstein will not be used as such (we can not fix the attick, would be far too expensive, about 3 times the value of the house!) I thought that may be... BUT NO! John had other plans, he was looking into the 1800 zone (OK, I exaggerate, campers from 1989 and 1990) so even older than Lassie! And every one knowing us will confirm we are very good judges of old cars.... (no idea at all). I spent a fortune on my 1972 Manta Opel which is still not on the road, so now you have an idea of our skills.
Comparison of self supporting campers (solar and/or LPG for internal use) gave us 2 options:
1) 1989 for 8750
2) 1990 (1.5 years younger) for 8000
Solar in nr 1 had the size of a matchbox, on nr 2 there were 2 very large solar panels
LPG in 1 and not in 2 but well, we don't use that much gas and of course nr 2 had propane instead (bit more expensive).
Both power steering(which I need), both good brakes (yes, please!!!).
Nr 1 2,5 TD (OK, nice) and 117.000 km (no problem), nr 2 2,5D (less power but enough) and 130.00 km (still not much for a diesel, Lassie has 330.000! km and the motor is always reliable). So we wanted testing them both: nr 1 was still in wintergarage, so we could not drive and not test anything since the watertank was empty (so could not test the water and toilet) and the battery was disconnected. Nice lady with inconsistant story showed us the inside which was dirty but OK (Hymer B534, large (U)-sit at the end, bed in cabin above driver, kitchen in between at long side like in Lassie. And she started the motor for us but we could not drive (not in assurance, nor in road tax but with recent annual report (no problems that said). Fairy tale about perfect motor and good in mountains etc. We could only try the fridge on LPG (yes, OK) and had to believe her that the rest functioned as well (tap etc) but OK, we fall into traps from nice ladies who tell nice stories, we are too naive. Yes, she said, of course more expensive, this one has LPG AND solar panel and TD. And we had to agree the outside looked good (true). I had no good feeling not being able to test everything but John saw his first Hymer and already fell in love (of course only about the inside, we can not judge the rest). But I wanted to see the cheaper and younger nr 2 so we did. What a difference, old couple who had everything perfectly clean and the man drove the Hymer for many km with us, also testing hills. (B544, inside different, 5 sleeping places instead of 4 in nr 1, (train) sit for 4 people and still also a long coach/bench for at least 4 more (also bed nr 5, same 2p-bed in cabin as nr 1, and train sit can transfer into 2p bed). Kitchen at the back (my preferance, more closet room also and we take a lot with us!) Original (nr 1 was painted) and camera (to see the back etc) which would make my life more easy (pffff) and two large solar panels. Did I mention the very new tires, all the recent bills, the 2 new batteries and the recent annual report? And the new distribution (important and expensive in a diesel) was also recently replaced (bills to prove that, they last for 60.000 km). Nr 1 had no billls at all, the owner is a ambulance driver and did all maintainance himself.... (so no official mechanic bills at all). Very trustworthy nr 2 (and bills with real guarantee!). Easy reason to sell: the camper became too large, they wanted a smaller one and a younger one (old people, children gone). The guy honestly said that he did NOT want to sell but his wife did not trust herself any more to drive such a large car and wanted smaller for just 2 persons. So he was the cheapest but only wanted to sell if he liked the next owners (camper must be treated well, was his baby) and remember, it really was the very cheapest on internet (and the best from 1990 with everything new and replaced); he really did not care about the price but about next owners. And yes, it was a beauty with only disadvantages: no LPG (cheaper than propane) and no TD. But advantages plenty, like f.e. also the allowed 3100 kg (other only 2750 and both already 2400 empty!) besides all other advantages like larger solar panels (at least 6 times as large as the other one) and all important things NEW with official bills. And of course the camera for easy driving. So what would you choose? Also of course he showed that everything was functioning perfectly (yes, true) while the other left a lot of guessing. And of course we could not see the difference in kw (this one only 54 kw, other 70 (TD) because there are no real hills in Holland and the other one did not allow us test driving at all. This one seemed perfect, except the less engine power. Who cares about the LPG? Not me, I know we can only save the price difference of 750 euro by using 480 years LPG instead of propane. And also his propane bottles (2) were full, the LPG in nr 1 was empty (OK, cheap to fill it). 2 large solar panels, new batteries (both) so we could finally be self supporting and live without electricity (which Lassie needs all the time for the fridge). I forgot about all the guessing at nr 1, I fell in love with nr 2. Totally! The selling man saw that and trusted me/us to be the owners he wanted. He told and showed a lot!

But there was John and yes, it is his purchase (I am broke) so HE should decide. I did not really care (well, I did of course but both were larger and better than Lassie) as long as we would have a larger bed and a separate sit besides the bed. To be honest I only focussed on the more expensive ones, the 2.8 TD which were from 2001....but I would be glad for any improvement of Lassie, especially since the repaired brakes...
John decided for nr 1, he had a "good feeling about it" (just liked the inside better!). And trusted the private maintainance of the ambulance driver and the stories of his wife (there was no proof, we could not test it). So he bought the more expensive and older camper of 1989. Our Hymer B534. I had many doubts but well, I tried to focus on the few advantages and they both seemed better than our Lassie.

So we picked up nr 1, John was too excited to think about starting the insurance and drove it to Amsterdam (1oo km) wihtout it! (pfew, nothing happened....). Watertank still empty and 2nd battery (inside) seemed empty too though the solar and 1st battery should load it... It stayed empty ever since (must be replaced though the owner told us it was OK, there are the first 140 euro extra...). John cleaned it inside and filled the water tank. Fine but no water, not the kitchen tap nor the toilet. Must be a "main switch" somewhere so I called and sent a sms to the previous owners. No reply. We looked every where but could not find a switch. NO toilet use, no water at all. Pump did not work. GREAT!
So OK, we were in a hurry to get to Lauenstein for a bridge weekend, we would find out later.
We were late (took a lot of time to get the camper) so we decided to go asap and drove it to... well, to Apeldoorn (60 km) because there the oil lamp started to annoy our lives. OK, trying to fill up oil, difficult to find but after 2 liter still no reaction. Lamp still told us there was something wrong. John decided to drive on, too much oil would vanish (his idea) and lamp would recover after using the most of it. But no, I did not trust it at all and called the ANWB (emergency help for cars, like ADAC in Germany) while he was again driving after refilling. ANWB was very convincing: STOP THE CAR NOW! Large risk, the engine can blow up with too little but also with too much oil. So we stopped and waited for them. Had to be dragged to the next garage (mechanic help) which was very frightening because now the power brakes did not work at all.
There the rest of the waiting started, they had to go else where to buy the replacing oil sensor. Bill nr 2. Delay of 4 hours. But OK, we managed to reach Lauenstein at 3 am and had to unload till 5 am to pick up the C.R. players at o9.45 at Usti (37 km) and later the German players at Dresden at 11.15 (yes, tight schedule, opposite direction).
Navigation failed, took John again and again (due to road block) to the same tunnel which was too low for the camper; more than one hour delay so the Germans had to be picked up too late and no, we had no phone numbers.... We only slept 3 hours, and John was not familiar with the camper yet but had to turn many times on busy roads and had to get to Dresden too late without any phone number to warn them. Even that is too much for autistic John who hardly ever panics (he lacks that kind of feelings, sometimes very comfortable). So he brought the Czechs overhere and one of them wanted to accompany him to Dresden to reply to Johns phone (the Germans had our number) to react on it. Germans arrived here one hour late and all very hungry (some had to travel for 7 hours, same as some Czechs). So John and I decided to skip his nap (both very tired) but visit the supermarket first (at 3 km, I made a long shopping list for 15 persons for 2 days). So he went there at 13.00. I got worried at 15.00 but knowing a tired John he would have forgotten things of the list and had to get back or even had to get to another supermarket (may be in C.R.). Meanwhile we had 14 hungry young bridge players in the house! So instead of focussing on bridge I tried to prepare soup of potatoes and onions and some sausages, all I could find at home, while they were playing their first match. At 16.00 I really got worried (they ate horrible soup) and phoned both handy's John had with him during his trips to Usti (CR) and Dresden and he only was here for 10 minutes (one coffee) before shopping so he would still have both phones (German and Dutch one) with him. I went outside to call quietly/privately but no reply on both phones, neither to sms I sent. Panic! So I stayed outside to call both the German alarm numbers (police, 110 for general accidents, 112 for personal ones). No accidents reported, neither on cars nor on persons in this region. But why didn't he reply to my calls then? Only 2 possibilities left: driven off the road (mountains here) or being robbed and may be being "kidnapped" including the camper (sometimes gypsy robbery here when cash money which John had). That really eased my mind :-(
What could I do? My last try were friends, owners of a hotel at 15 km. I phoned them and despite their guests they went with 4 (out of 5) to drive all routes John could have taken. Drove them twice. Meanwhile the C.R. players phoned the Czech police (may be he went there). Hotel staff came to report me that they did not find him and neither police confirmed accidents on camper or person. 18.00, John was 5 hours gone now. HUGNRY here! And I was very upset.
Hotel staff did their 3rd round though they already were checking before also brake signs on the road where he could have gone off. I should report if John would finally react on my calls or sms and they would report if they would see anything of him or the camper.

At 18.45 John returned (I reacted on all diesel sounds outside!), no damage seemed to him or camper! I got furious! After 6 hours he returned from a supermarket at 3 km distance. He never replied on any call from me. I could only react outrageous which all Lauenstein must have heard! Remember I had to do all work from both of us during the past hours (usually I train/watch and John duplicates boards or prints bidding contests or hand records) and I could hardly while being very concerned, Besides that a 3rd task occurred: phoning all police numbers and alarm numbers! After 3 too short nights that was too much for me, so I broke down between 14 very hungry juniors.
So I promised him without any hesitation to slowly cut of his balls with all Lauenstein as whitnesses. The persons involved confirmed my judgement and told me to enjoy it!
What happened? Dieselconnection broke and engine overheated, John refilled water in cooling system but engine stopped and refused till they fixed the problem (waiting and waiting but of course no message to me!). Why not? Well, John again: he is too lazy to remember any of his phone numbers so I programmed all in his cell phone, but indeed, he did not take them! Managed to put them at home in the few minutes he was here. He could think about calling the hotel (in all phone books) so they could inform me, even phoning some one in Holland but autistic John can not think of that: no cell phone so no phone numbers, pity.... He did call his own cell phone but I did not hear, nor did the thought occur to me that he left them here (he can not go without them, depended on them, so he wouldn't!).

Before I could get to that enjoying part (I promised myself to postpone the balls ceremony till the juniors were gone) we had to go to the hotel staff to thank them for their efforts to find John. So we went at Monday evening with another stupid bottle of rum, only thing I could think of (since we know their brand). Hotel was closed (why don't we call before?) but the dogs welcomed us. After a while Edo turned up from the house, telling us the other 4 were gone. He was trying to enjoy his rare evening off and not really happy to see us. But there is John again, instead of noticing and rewarding their efforts 2 days ago (just leave the bottle and disappear quickly), he started asking questions about the lack of functioning of the camper (Edo IS handy, opposite to us....). Apart from the two problem days we could not use the water tap, nor the toilet (pump refused) and the battery (2nd one, for the household) refused to charge despite the solar panel and all the km we drove. Johns good feeling about this camper... nothing seemed to be functioning! We phoned the previous owners twice but no reply. So Edo asked John to start the engine (so the 2nd battery would work, connected to the 1st one (engine battery) in order to check the water pump inside for all water appliance. There was Johns disaster idea 87, he filled all closets with old stuff without checking which could still be used and we had to empty a closet filled with 1000 kg of old food....(OK OK, make that at least 28 kilo) because the pump seemed to be under that shelf. All tins and other stuff were all over the camper, also blocking the door to the bathroom were we should try the toilet and tap. Engine running all the time, otherwise the battery could not feed the pump or light inside. Poor Edo. After 2 (!) hours he found the problem (some stupid switch) but then the engine was fully overheated again, cooling water boiling so the parking place was filled with water: partly from the cooling system (engine), partly from the refusing water tank that threw all water outside (not inside where we wanted it). But the taps worked! Edo fixed that problem and was now busy to fix the other one, how to get the engine running again, filling up cooling water (meanwhile all in the dark: no engine, no battery working, so no lights). Again he managed to fix it while being hassled by me with many questions (not that I understand, but I have to try to fix it next time, John will not). Pffff, after almost 3 hours we could leave again, engine seemed to work (John did not fill up enough water last time, that was the main engine problem; that and the fact that the extra ventilators (on air) are not running spontaneously (like they should) but just by manual switches IF you notice the hot temperature... Of course John did not put them on (he started the engine and then you should activate them).

Did I already informed you about the missing diesel key for the diesel refill? Did I mention that the lights inside hardly worked at all? So we bought a perfect camper (quite the opposite!).
Let's count: 4 hours delay at Apeldoorn, 5 in Altenberg (supermarket), 3 at Edo's hotel = 12.
And yes, it also drove 12 hours, so half the time waiting and repairing.
Appointments needed at both garage to check all cooling system and engine (let's add that to delay) as well as camperservice to replace the nonfunctioning 2nd battery (other delay and yes, both again expensive too). Where the hell are those services close to Lauenstein? HELPPPP.

So if you notice Johns high voice you will know the reasons (2 balls missing). If he could only sing it could even be an advantage but alas, his music mark at primary school was the lowest ever, and I know why :-(